i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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