operation harelip BJ is a go
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
