I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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