We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My feet surprised me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
