That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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