I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
