cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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