YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
