wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
