Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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