real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This can only be settled by a dance off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
