all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
