Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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