so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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