You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
