drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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