fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
