i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
