O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
