five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
organizing the empties. That sober.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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