I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
