I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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