Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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