I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
