If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
