The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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