You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
