Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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