I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
