And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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