I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
