Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
