Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
