but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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