ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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