She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
