You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
