I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
