Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Found your dick twin last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
