I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
