If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
