Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
