my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
