there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize