I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
