Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
