I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
