Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
