Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
