Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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