saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
