just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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