i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
