I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
