I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
