So drunk its hurt
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
smell my finger.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
