Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
