i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
