Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
